Legions of Followers

Robert, what’s a “follower?”

A follower? Followers are the “sheeple” who mindlessly flock to whatever shiny object happens to appear in front of their noses. They don’t know good from bad, which is what makes them followers. They have no minds of their own, have terrible taste, and wouldn’t know a Kandinsky from a Klee if it was signed and dated for them with an accompanying letter of provenance.

Robert, I notice that you have over 100 followers on TeachersPayTeachers; isn’t that great!

Oh, are you talking about my followers? They are completely different kinds of followers. No, my followers are the ones who are smart enough to recognize that I’m doing something interesting and unique, that my work outshines all the others, and that they want to encourage me to do more of what I do.

There’s someone on TpT selling activities that are based on the characters from Dr. Seuss books. She has over 9,000 followers.

Yeah, but her followers are idiots.

How do you communicate with your followers?

Communicate with them? What the f•ck are you talking about?

You can send them a message, don’t you know that?

I can?

Robert, are you serious? Don’t you know you can send them a message once a month! You have to reach out to them and tell them how wonderful your store is….

But it’s not that wonderful; it’s just stuff I put together for my teachers, and I figure people will like it enough to buy it. I mean, I love my followers, each and every one of them, and I’m sure someday I will repay their love and devotion with something. I just don’t know what that is, yet.

A word of thanks would probably be a good start…

Oh, yes, of course! Dear Followers: Thanks!

“What’s a ‘product?'”

I was helping Robert pin some of his activities, when I noticed that despite the fact that he seems to have plenty of time to play concertina and cook lamb chops, he doesn’t seem to post a lot of products on his TeachersPayTeachers store. Okay, 93 products is not a bad number, but the guy has been at this for months and months. You would think he would have hundreds of them, seeing how much time he devotes to other things, like memorizing poetry (if I have to hear him recite “Drowning” by Grace Paley one more time, I think I’ll put my head in the bathtub and fill it up) and leyning Torah.

“Robert, you’ve been doing this for what seems like a long time; shouldn’t you have more products in your store?”

“What’s a “product,” Emily?”

“What do you mean, what’s a product? You know, those materials you publish on TeachersPayTeachers. PRODUCTS!”

“They’re not ‘products’ – what are you talking about? It’s not like I manufacture anything.”

“I know, but people buy them and use them, so they’re products, right?”

“Um, no, because I don’t have a factory, and its not like I have employees who build this stuff and then ship it out. They’re not really products – they’re like books and music and art. They’re something else, but they’re not ‘products.'”

“So you think you’re more like a writer or a musician or an artist? May I just roll my eyes now?”

“No, you may not roll your eyes, and yes, developing curriculum materials is an art, not a manufacturing process. So stop calling them ‘products,’ will you?”

“Robert, if you’re going to make some money, you have to have more products posted in your TpT store!”

“What’s a ‘product?'”